Thursday, July 19, 2007

I Miss Blogging, Blogging Misses Me

Work has been a ridiculous crazy bitch this week and has prevented me from participating in the blogosphere, where I have little or no influence. Touché. After work, my time is split between my meth addiction and yoga. I know, wacky. Here are the things I would have been blogging about if I had the time to be funny:

Kelly Rippa’s Husband:
Today, my Managing Director and I had lunch as Asia de Cuba. I had the lobster club. Kevin had the calamari salad. But yummiest part of the lunch was sitting next to Kelly Ripa’s husband, Mark Consuelos.

FĂ©rfiakt: Possibly the Worst Movie Ever?

Outfest provided this gem of Hungarian cinema. The English translation of the title (which is just “Men”) is “Men in the Nude.” Let me tell you, there’s not even one goddamned cock shot in the whole fucking movie. WTF? Seriously, WTF?!? Worst movie ever.

Speaking of Hungary:
In Hungary, when shopping for produce in the market, you must weigh your own fruit, print out a bar code label-sticker, and attach it to the bag for the checker. This proves to be quite a challenge for foreigners because A) they don’t know they’re supposed to do it, and B) it requires knowing the Hungarian word for the item you’re purchasing in order to press the correct key on the machine. For those of you who’ve been to Central/Eastern Europe, you know that although they’ve discovered democracy, they’ve yet to master capitalism. That said, I was once in the supermarket, in line to check out, when the woman in front of me hadn’t weighed her bananas. The checker lady yelled at her in Hungarian, to no avail. I explained the checker’s tirade in English, to no evil. Charades were played, to no avail. It was at this point that the checker lady picked up the bananas and slung them across the store and shouted “NO BANANAS FOR YOU” in Hungarian. Does this remind you of something?


blythe said...

blogging misses me might be a bit of an overstatement. the mention of the meth habit, understatement.

i enjoyed this post, but am allergic to bananas.

also, perhaps a mark consuelos spoiler alert? i did not need to see that kind of tacocake at ths hour of the morning. oh? it's 11am? well.

d said...

wait. wait. wait. there's a restaurant called 'asia de cuba'? what kind of fuckery is this?

blythe said 'tacocake'.

Will said...

I hate when I go to a movie expecting lots of full nudity and there is none.

Mr. Shain said...

::blythe:: you're racist AND allergic to bananas? sucks to be you.

::d:: it's jap-cuban fusion (say that 3 times fast!)

::will:: no shit!

blythe said...

i might have been drunk this morning. there's no way to know. sorry. really, i am. funny!

d said...

you say jap-cuban fusion. i say witchcraft.

blythe said...

wait, you guys can say jap(-cuban) and i can't say tacocake?

michael5000 said...

This is as much as I've learned about Hungary in quite some time.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Tacocake is my new favorite word. Thanks Blythe!

See, this blog actually CAN be useful for something.

stewpid said...

omg I could so go for a tacocake right now. Not the kind in a bathing suit, one you could eat.

Also, what's up with the checkout tyranny in Hungarioslovakia? That's checker oppression. We should go bomb the living shit out of them and liberate them. Free the bananas! Banana Mission Accomplished!

Wait, when I say free the bananas, I mean actual bananas, not the bananas found in tacocakes' bathing suits.

blythe said...

i do what i can, cherry, i do what i can.


David said...

How odd that you post this photo of delish Mark Consuelos and then comment in a later blog about male strippers - without anyone mentioning how Mark got his "start" in the industry as a male stripper in Florida! :)

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