Monday, June 11, 2007

Hotels.com

On Saturday morning Mark and I drove up to San Francisco to see friends for the weekend. We didn’t really plan ahead; so right before we left we got on hotels.com to search for a cheap place to stay. There was a quaint little walk-up in Union Square (ok, maybe Tenderloin adjacent) for only $50 a night. Sold. We’re only there to sleep so who cares if the paint is chipped and the ceiling’s stained. For reference, Mark and I have stayed in some of the world’s worst dives--$1/night hostel in Cairo, genocidal border crossing between Congo and Rwanda, and many defunct former Soviet Bloc hotels. However, after waking up at 7am on Sunday and strolling into our “shared bathroom” at Hotel Olympic, we knew this was something different. The toilet room was covered in urine. Not just the seat, the whole room. And to accent the wetness was a used condom. Hot. The shower was even worse though. In European style, the shower and toilet were separated, but this arrangement must have angered or confused some anxious guest in the night, because in the absence of a commode someone had simply shit in the trashcan. And to crown his achievement, a cigarette butt was neatly extinguished on top, like a cherry. Nothing says good morning like a hot cup of coffee, a used condom, and a pile of shit next to your shower. Worth every penny….

13 comments:

JP said...

Yuck! Don't look under the bed! If you do, make sure you go out and buy yourself a copy of 101 uses for a dead hooker...

blythe said...

what? a used condom never killed you and everybody poops. you're so stuffy.

Carmen said...

you spent all your time in the boonies anyway. you should have just stayed in Berkeley...

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Used condoms and shit-filled trash can hotels are so much more beautiful in SanFran than they are in most other cities.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

PS - Love the way you've arranged your blog roll.

Mr. Shain said...

JP: we did look under the bed, mostly just used tissue and some empty lube bottles. maybe one or two hookers, but they'd been there a while i think.

BLYTHE: it's called AIDS, google it. or watch the sarah silverman show, i think she did an episode about it.

CARMEN: i know, i'm all about the east bay, i'm hoodrat like that. forget berkeley, next time we're staying in modesto.

CHERRY: they really are better there. shit-in-a-can is so boring in los angeles. it's like, yeah, so? also, i had my new assistant organize my blogrole, so i'll pass the word along.

blythe said...

oh shain, you're so dramatic.

blythe said...

oh, and your blogroll is so VTK. this is getting out of hand.

Jester said...

You gonna make it to SF for the Gay Blogger Summit?

You could have stayed in the port-a-john in the Castro. I think it's cleaner than the room you described...

Mr. Shain said...

there's a gay blogger's summit and i wasn't informed?

Catherinette Singleton said...

Good god, that is freaking gross. Please tell me that you complained and were given a refund!!

stewpid said...

Yeah, that thing on your pillow? Not a mint. Not at all.

stewpid said...

ps: www.laterooms.com RUUULES.