Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Please Turn Off All Electronic...

While enjoying the spacious Denver International Airport waiting for my delayed flight to hell, I thought I would capitalize on an opportunity to share with you, my *The Life & Times reader, my Thanksgiving Holiday. Within an hour of landing at LAX I was at an art gallery opening on Robertson listening to an Israeli explain how he believed Jesus was a great spiritual leader but was not, in fact, crucified. Did I mention this show was dedicated to the crucifixion of Jesus? Because it was. There were a lot of skinny jeans being worn that night. I decided Jesus would have worn skinny jeans; he had the body for them. I however do not. Instead I will be rocking the oversized knit sweaters and jackets this winter.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Two Girls One Cup, We're Not Funny

Last night, Bee-Spot and I thought it would be really funny to do the 126,873,270,982,390th reaction video to the viral hit "2 Girls, One Cup." Blythe had never seen the video, so she came over and we recorded the magic in honor of "Cringeday Wednesday," a regular feature over at the Bee-Spot. Turn up the volume really loud before playing the video because it's hard to hear us. Also, if you've never watched the original video before... then maybe you should just pretend you never saw any of this and forget all about it. Or you can find it on www.2girls1cup.com. Remember, you can't un-watch something.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Kanye's Mom Would Have Loved Batter Blaster

Last week, while reading/skimming Clinton's brilliant blog Zombie Fights Shark, I discovered the best new product of 2007 that will forever change our lives--compressed pancake batter in a can--Batter Blaster! Check out their website to see how blasting batter can improve your quality of life. Realizing that there were no nearby retail stores in my area selling this new wonder of the western world, I sent the company this simple letter:

Which prompted this email response:

As soon as I get back to Los Angeles, I'm buying these miracle blottles by the gross and driving them back to Oklahoma. So please place your orders with me as soon as possibe.

-Mr. Shain
Batter Enthusiast

Friday, November 9, 2007

The Ebony Michael Jackson

Last month, Mark (the Mrs. Mr. Shain) produced this cover for Ebony Magazine, which will hit newstands on Monday, November 12. Thanks to the internets, Defamer.com already picked up the story, thus making Mark a more successful blog-entity than I could ever hope to be writing for this abject failure. Is there any justice in this world? I guess there probably is.photo by Matthew Rolston

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

You Might Have a Problem

You know what’s funny about alcoholism? Watching a middle-aged woman whose skin looks like a saddle bag with scabs on her face walk into a liquor store at 2 p.m. to buy a $5 bottle of vodka only to drop it in the parking lot while trying to unscrew the cap. If I had tags for this blog, I’d file this under: Mr. Shain Is an A-hole, Midday Cocktails, I Heart Oklahoma, and This is Not About Blythe's Mom.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Professor Bartok

The language skills of my 90-year-old professor seem to be atrophying with age. Granted English is his fifth language, but today he said to me, "I check my email erotically." I hope he meant erratically. I really, really hope.