Tuesday, November 6, 2007

You Might Have a Problem

You know what’s funny about alcoholism? Watching a middle-aged woman whose skin looks like a saddle bag with scabs on her face walk into a liquor store at 2 p.m. to buy a $5 bottle of vodka only to drop it in the parking lot while trying to unscrew the cap. If I had tags for this blog, I’d file this under: Mr. Shain Is an A-hole, Midday Cocktails, I Heart Oklahoma, and This is Not About Blythe's Mom.


The [Cherry] Ride said...

Terribly funny.
But what did she do afterwards? Try to lick it off the pavement? Because that would be the topper.

(Also please note that this comment is totally insult-free.)

blythe said...

right. so, why were you at a liquor store at 2pm? doing blog research? i don't know which is more pathetic. also, this illustrates precisely why i carry straws in my purse.

So@24 said...

$5 bottle of vodka?

I'm moving to Oklahoma!

Jess said...

It would suck to be an alcoholic and have to drink the craptastic $5 vodka. My heart weeps for that woman.

Then again, my heart also weeps because she had vodka in the middle of the afternoon and I can't drink on the job.

5 of 9er said...

It would of made a funny YouTube kind of thing... kind of.

Mr. Shain said...

::cherry:: stay tuned for the follow up post

::blythe:: i was buying a 2002 clos du bois that turned out to be so oaky it tastes like a #2 pencil

::so@24:: i'm not sure it's worth it. i'm not sure it was really vodka.

::jess:: does it suck, or is it great? prob sucks

::5 of 9er:: kinda

Michael5000 said...

I worked graveyard shift at a convenience store in college. Classy gig. I was my privilege to witness shit like that nightly. My two favorites: 1) Alcoholic dude who drops his bottle in the parking lot is blind. He runs into a parked bicycle, and down they go, wino, bike, broken glass, and beverage. 2) Alcoholic dude knows you are standing 10 feet away looking straight at him, but can't stop himself from trying to put pounders inside his coat, except that he's shaking so bad he keeps dropping them, one after another. The floor gets deeper and deeper in beer and glass shards as you watch, fascinated.

It's fucking horific, but it's kind of hilarious too.

The Yellow Dart said...

Wow. I...wow. Shain, I think all the philosophy is making you lose your tenuous grip on your humanity. And I feel I lost a little bit of my own humanity in reading your blog, and then laughing a little, before my conscience stifled it.

Anonymous said...

I saw a college kid try to charge a bottle of hooch to his bus pass.

sybil law said...

Unfortuantely, I see that crap all the time!
Still - it IS funny. Sad, but funny. It's funny 'cause it's true!

emertron said...

No. I just think that's sad. Not funny in the least. Sorry. That would just make me want to talk to her & see if she could get some help.