Friday, July 20, 2007

Friday Confessional: I Heart Beckham

The truth is 99% of the time I don’t give a damn who Colin Farrell is fucking or how many DUIs Paris, Britney, and Lindsay have this week. I’m rather immune and uninterested in Hollywood at large. I once had a twenty minute conversation with Jaclyn Smith on set before asking her what she did for a living. That was awkward.

But there are those rare moments when the confluence of Access Hollywood, libido, and second hand fame cast a magical spell over me. Such is the case with Mr. David Beckham and his wife Mrs. Posh Spice. I am in love. Which is why it’s so ironic what Mark did to me this week. Tom and Katie (yes, that Tom and Katie) are throwing a “Welcome to LA” party for the Beckhams, and it will be the event of the summer in Hollywood. When Mark told me he scored a rare and coveted invitation to the dinner, I was elated. I was ecstatic. I was over-stimulated frankly.

However, the euphoria was short lived. Sober in the face of fame, Mark decided he didn’t want to go. “It’s going to be insane,” he insisted. And with that, all of my hopes and dreams for this world vanished like so much smoke. I was empty, alone, and now hungry. I had some ice cream. The worst part is, I’ll never get to blog about how big Victoria’s head really is. I’ll never get to blog about David’s alleged botox injections. And I’ll never get to blog about how Tom tried to convert Posh and Becks to Scientology. I guess I’ll just spend my weekend looking at this:

9 comments:

michael5000 said...

Having Wikied Jaclyn Smith, I don't think you have a damn thing to be embarassed about. I did not remember her from such "blockbuster hits [as] Florence Nightingale,George Washington, Lies Before Kisses,The Rape of Dr. Willis, In the Arms of A Killer and several TV versions of Danielle Steel novels."

Big Daddy said...

Blasphemy!

Jaclyn Smith was on 'Charlie's Angels'!

5 of 9er said...

Does Jaclyn Smith make clothes for K-Mart or something like that?

Mr. Shain said...

i'm not sure she actually makes the clothes. but she does have people in the east-asia region stitch her name onto the clothes they make for k-mart.

stewpid said...

oh. my god.

I was going to blog today about how awesome Mrs. Beckham is (goes w/o saying that David is awesome) because I watched the show last night and I thought, "God, she's like a carbon copy of me. Only pretty. And thin. And well-adjusted. And famous. And fashionable. And nice. And funny. And wealthy. And emotionally stable. And tan. And well-dressed. And intelligent. And self-possessed. And she gets laid."

I LOVED her.

To have NOT gone to her party elevates you to, like, superstardom in my eyes because the only thing cooler than not being invited to a supercoolio party is being invited and not going.

You are now a Superhero. NotGoingInvitedMan.

Awesome. For reals.

Then when you do meet her, which you will, you can say "I was supposed to meet you at the party but I didn't go" and she will adore you.

blythe said...

but you still have to go. you're going, right? YOU OWE THIS TO ME!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Ooooh, I love me some D-Becks. Posh I could do without. And while the photoshoot in W was pretty hot, I found it somehow lacking.

What the hell happened to your earlier post with that boy band video? Granted, it was totally Lame, but was it necessary to completely delete it? I mean, if you deleted all of your blog posts that were lame, there'd be hardly no posts on your blog at all.

(Oh Yes I Did!)

G said...

Where *did* you get that picture? Gawd, drool.

blythe said...

i took it last summer.