Thursday, August 2, 2007

Hostile Takeover (of Mr. Shain)

Sorry that *The Life & Times has been content-free for the last couple of days. Things at the offices of *The Life & Times have been a bit busy. And by busy, I mean employees getting sacked, people crying in the bathrooms, directors drinking in their offices, screaming fights on the conference line, profanity, and lastly a hostile takeover. Yes, my company (rather the company that owns me) is being bought-out/purchased/paid-off like a cheap hooker who’s seen too much. Things were accidentally leaked on a call Tuesday morning and it’s been a nonstop riot here ever since. The best part? Oh, did I mention the new owner of my company is 26 years old? Because he is. He’s twenty-six. He’s two months younger than I am. Also, did I note that I am the youngest employee at my firm? Because I’m not anymore. Well, maybe I still am since He is not really an “employee”. I can’t say anymore right now, but if I go missing, you can unravel the clues left in this message to discover the location where they’ve likely dumped my body. Also, I think you people know too much about me already after certain yearbook photos and messages written by Mr. Shain were leaked on the Bee-Spot. We’re not speaking to Blythe right now.

22 comments:

The [Cherry] Ride said...

So you might get fired? Join the club. C'mon in, the water is fine.

And we actually love Blythe, now more than ever after posting that note from you.

michael5000 said...

Organizational chaos, shameless scrambles for power and influence, a thin veil of procedure covering the seething desperation... why, it's just like Model U.N.!

Except with people losing their livelihoods, of course.

blythe said...

oh shain! i'm genuinely sorry things are so sucky for you. this is a new feeling for me - empathy. hmm. not sure i like it.

in the meantime, i embarrass you out of love. or whatever we have. which certainly isn't love. maybe tolerance?

Mr. Shain said...

::[cherry]:: quite the opposite, i some how ended up on the right side of the fence (i know, i have no idea how either).

::michael:: it's TOTALLY model UN here, except for real and no one is getting bombed (ok maybe after work). (get it!)

::blythe:: shut up assface.

blythe said...

you really are mad at me, huh.

CrimeNotes said...

Maybe you'll get fired and move to Oklahoma and just live at your aunt's house, assface.

d said...

26-year-olds should not be allowed to own anything. that's just absurd. who's bright idea was that?

sorry to all of you 26-year-olds out there, but c'mon. seriously.

Mr. Shain said...

hey hey, why am i getting called assface?

blythe said...

i think because you called me one.

truce?

blythe said...

also, i need to show you something - you have to call me asap (well you know sometime before next week or whatever).

crimenotes said...

I think dmbmeg started it, and the rest of us are along for the ride.

blythe said...

you're right. let's blame dmbmeg. i kid. i'm an assface.

Catherinette Singleton said...

Wow, that new company owner is wicked young. Is he hot? Is he single? Can I get his number?

Julie_Gong said...

If it makes you feel better I'm not even 26 yet.

Mr. Shain said...

::blythe:: not at all!

::crimenotes:: i don't have an aunt in oklahoma to live with. also, again, family blog.

::d:: who's idea was it to allow 26 year old to own things? i dont know. i own things, just not people.

::blythe:: i didnt call you anything!

::crimenotes:: she did, but we don't need to spread her language over here.

::catherinette:: yes, yes, no

::julie_gong:: so what, you're better than me? it's fine, just don't buy my company please.

stewpid said...

my ass is so much hotter than my face, it's not even funny, so calling me assface would be, like, awesome.

um wait say something about Shain. Um, hi Shain!

CrimeNotes said...

I was quoting a Kanye West line, assface.

CrimeNotes said...

So the powers that be won't let me get my ideas out

And that make me wanna get my advance out

And move to Oklahoma and just live at my Aunt's house.


You're already the number one Google hit for the last line. You're welcome.

dmbmeg said...

CRIMENOTES!!! ASSFACE!

Shain, darling. Have you received my phone calls yet? I've been leaving sexy messages for you from that yearbook number all weekend.

Mr. Shain said...

::crimenotes:: you're swell.

::dmbmeg:: i'm sure my dad's enjoying them.

Annie said...

I can't get over how much your user pic exudes "So the fuck what?"

That's it.

5 of 9er said...

I'm just posting a comment so you get 26 comments which matches your new boss / hostle take over douche.