Friday, July 6, 2007

Friday Confessional: Random Crap

Mr. Shain in the news: Sometimes other bloggers read this crap and realize what a brilliant and talented writer I am. Sometimes they don’t. But here are three that really get me:note: this is a picture of me that was in the news

Welcome to the Tiki Hut!: Just for Shain
World of B: The Cooler
Bee-Spot: Pure Drivel (classic)

Italian Explosion, Part III: I’m so not good with my kitchen appliances right now. This, unlike the fridge, was totally my bad. I just wanted to throw the whole thing away.
Fourth of July addendum: I almost forgot about this text Bryan got on the 4th. Turns out, sometimes domestic violence is funny. Note to readers, Matt is Brandon’s boyfriend. They were vacationing in Palm Springs until the fistfight broke out. They don’t really remember what started it (the booze does that) but Brandon spit toothpaste in Matt’s face, Matt shoved him back, and then the punches flew. Hotel security was called, and Matt was removed from the hotel (but was the one who drove). Oh, those gays!
Meth addiction: Recently, there's been a lot of blog "chatter" about my alleged meth addiction. You know who you are. For the record, I'm not a meth addict, and I have a very nice, very expensive smile. I also sleep A LOT and am always exhausted. How many meth addicts can say that?
I am being monitored: Yesterday I got a hit from Kuwait. Okay, fine, but this hit was actually from the "Kuwait Ministry of Defense". Okay, a little weird. But this comes after a mysterious flurry of hits last week from Israel and the Palestinian Territory. I think spies might be communicating via my comment section. Has anyone actually ever met Blythe or Cherry Ride? Hmmm...

23 comments:

blythe said...

wow. just wow. i don't even know where to start.

it's not that i "get" you as much as i hang around you to feel better about myself. does that make sense?

what the fuck are you doing in that microwave, dude? is that tomato sauce in a glass? it's called a stove. you claim to have money, so you probably even have a nice one. microwaves are for the poors to make their easy mac in.

pssshaw. straights get into fist fights all the time too. or at least dphelps and i did. actually, one time we decided to make mojitos on our patio with a friend who was visiting from maine. after we'd emptied the second bottle of rum, we all got into some sort of wrestling match, i got kicked in the face, friend took off for maine (drunkenly) and dphelps passed out on the living room floor. i remember waking up to dphelps trying to mac on me, but i accidentally called him by the other kid's name.

hey, see, someone's reading! also, cherry and i have met. we're jut not into meeting with you.

blythe said...

oh, and you told me you'd never show that picture of my teeth before i went on extreme home makeover ugly people edition. not cool, man. not cool.

also, an observation. both tiki and i associate you with pastry. hmm.

Mr. Shain said...

chill out, those were your mother's teeth.

i do love pastry.

The Yellow Dart said...

Wow. It works. I mention Shain, and all of a sudden I'M PART OF THE BLOGOSPHERE. OMG4ME.

It does mildly disturb me that Shain showed up in my dream. The pastry link also disturbs me. I'm smelling a vast Franco-Arabic conspiracy. And it smells like light, buttery, flaky dough.

I do have two "things":
1. Why is the screen of your cellphone so dirty?
2. I thought you got an iPhone, hotshot.

The Yellow Dart said...

I'm editing my own comment:

BRYAN'S phone. I get it. It all makes sense now. I mean...as much sense as it's gonna make.

blythe said...

pastry! heading to la baguette now.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Good ones, Blythe. Looking forward to our next meeting next week.

Shain: why do you assume the spy is me? Granted, Blythe and I seem to be the only people who read your blog, but don't you think if I was a Kuwaity (sp) spy, I would refrain from commenting?

Also, if I was a spy from Kuwait, I'd probably know how to spell "Kuwaity spy."

Mr. Shain said...

maybe you're just a spy kuwait's keeping it's eyes on...

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I just noticed that your microwave is the exact same model we have at work. Does that mean you too are a cheap bastard, like my employers are?

Mr. Shain said...

HA! the microwave was actually FROM my last job... making me both cheap and a petty thief.

Jeannette said...

.... . -.-- / -... .. - -.-. .... . ... --..-- / .-- .... .- - / ..- .--. ..--..

crimenotes said...

Fuck, dude. This post raises all kinds of diplomatic red flags, but your first priority should be healing your fucked-up teeth.

Mr. Shain said...

::jeannette:: ok, morse code, seriously? you're lucky i even figured out what it was. i'm exhausted by just by looking at it... whereas a meth addict would translate and craft his three page reply in morse as well *which, as a non-meth addict, i will NOT do*

::crimenotes:: those are blythe's mom's teeth (allegedly). side note, can you "heal" teeth?

Mr. Shain said...

::NEWS FLASH:: this just in...

the morse says: hey bitches! what up?

ok, lame. but i felt a little hunt for red october while translating it.

The Yellow Dart said...

YOU STOLE THAT FROM KAPLAN?!?!?! Have you also been listing USMLE books on eBay?!?!

Jeannette said...

Nice work. Youve passed the first test. The rest of the mission will be at the bottom of your coffee cup tomorrow morning.

ubiti svi excel ja osobno!

MsPuddin said...

Your killing me with the microwave...men lol...at least it wasn't tin foil or a fork...wtf were you eating anyway, dog food???

MsP

Mr. Shain said...

::yellow:: no, i stole it from the now defunct one such films.

::jeanette:: son of a b... i don't drink coffee. just email it to me, 'kay?

::sometimes accidents happen, ask [cherry] ride. it was a delicious ragu. also, i'm enjoying the tan line... i'm just sayin'.

The Yellow Dart said...

A better story would have been you stole it straight out from under someone's nose. You know who I'm talking about.

Can you please add a new blog? I don't care about what. Blow something else up in your illicit microwave, I don't care. It's ridiculous that I'm reduced to being the 19th comment on a blog that wasn't that great to begin with.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Leave my involuntary bowel movement accidents out of your comments section, please.

Mr. Shain said...

for the record, Yellow is talking about my old boss who was blind and a jackass. he would take the bus home from work (cuz blind don't drive) and i'd walk up to him, get really close, then say "hey K***!" loudly in his face making him jump. oh, scaring the blind is fun. no, scaring K**** is fun. jackass.

::cherry:: i'll leave them out of my comments if you leave them out of your blog.

stewpid said...

ok, I got a hit from Kandahar, so let's all freak out... NOW!

Big Daddy said...

I was mildly freaked out when one day I had a bunch of hits from Washington from The Dept. Of Energy and Homeland Security.