Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Jamie Lynn Spears: Pregnant, Fucked

Today, Jamie Lynn Spears, sixteen year old sister of Britney Spears, announced in OK! Magazine that she is indeed pregnant. Self-proclaimed devout Christian Jamie Lynn played cum dumpster to teen-boyfriend and fellow church-goer Casey Aldridge (pictured shirtless). Shockingly, Kevin Federline was not implicated as the father (yet). One source cited Spear’s reluctance to “give up the brown eye” and “mistaking Tic-Tac mints for contraception” as contributing factors to her pregnancy. Aldridge did not return Facebook messages left by *The Life and Times, although he did update his status to “royally fucked.” No comment yet from older sister Spears who managed to avoid teen pregnancy through abstinence and visits to Planned Parenthood. Critics say this move may help bolster Britney Spear’s tarnished image merely by association, especially if Jamie Lynn accidentally kills her own child by leaving it in a parked car while in rehab. Meanwhile Britney’s publicist confirms Ms. Spear’s Christmas card this year will feature a photograph of her two children with the caption “At least mine aren’t bastards, y’all.”

14 comments:

Sarah Jessica said...

does this mean she has to quit her TV show on Nickalodeon?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

She's hot. That guy looks like a jerk. Great posture though . . .

Mr. Shain said...

i know how you like good posture dr. k.

blythe said...

oh no she didn't.

color me not surprised.

Jess said...

It's shocking, isn't it Blythe? I'm all like, flabbergasted and stuff.

G said...

On a side/unrelated note, Shain, Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians keeps on giving. It's, like, the best present I've ever gotten from you. Besides the herpes, of course.

blythe said...

i thought he just gave that to me. i thought i was special.

Mr. Shain said...

i've given a lot of special gifts to a lot of special ladies.

G said...

...And shouldn't the title of this post be: "Jamie Lynn Spears: Fucked, Pregnant"... for accuracy and all, I mean.

Mr. Shain said...

technically it would be, "fucked, pregnant, fucked"

G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
G said...

Hahaha. Yes, I was about to correct myself.

Shain, abscond to New York. I'll take good care of you.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I'm waiting for the screaming/crying "Leave Jamie Alone!" YouTube video from that creepy kid.

I'm also waiting for this blog to get funny.

sybil law said...

Oh ym freaking hell that was funny!