Monday, July 9, 2007

Help Fight Pediatric AIDS

It has recently come to my attention that a certain, twisted group of people has begun to regularly engage in the reading of this blog here at *The Life & Times. I, Mr. Shain, am truly thankful for this. Looking at Sitemeter gets me off better than [redacted].

However, upon further investigation (also known as blog-stalking) I have come to realize that many of my loyal readers/gawkers/angry commentators do not include this blog, *The Life & Times, on their own blogroll. This makes Mr. Shain sad… very, very sad. I think it also might cause babies in Africa to spontaneously develop pediatric AIDS. And a puppy dog gets hit by a Fedex truck every time you read *The Life & Times without adding it to your blogroll first. The point is:

Add Mr. Shain’s *The Life & Times to your blogroll today, and help stop pediatric AIDS and the needless killing of puppy dogs. Only YOU can stop the madness.

*The preceding has been a paid advertisement and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the management of this blog.

35 comments:

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Wow, I can really smell the desperation all the way here in Chicago.

So c'mon, who is the offender?

blythe said...

seriously, dude. even i wouldn't sink this low. but also, everyone add me to theirs, too.

-b

Mr. Shain said...

i hired a new PR firm to manage/promote my blog, and this is what they call a "numbers drive".

blythe said...

but blog consulting is my job. i'm gonna make it big. i am.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I work for a PR firm. You could always hire me to get your numbers up. I mean, c'mon - since I started linking to you your numbers have increased (you're welcome, btw) - just imagine if you hired me to actually execute an active numbers drive.

Mr. Shain said...

i'm listening...

stewpid said...

I work for a PR firm, too. Damn. What if we had real jobs and couldn't spend all day inflating each other's page views and commenting lamely on each other's microwave contents. Would that suck or WHAT!???!?!?!

I haven't even assembled my blogroll because (1) I suck (2) I'm lazy like dat (3) I suck and (4) if you are reading my blog, you obvs hate your own eyeballs so why should I show you the brilliance that is other people's blogs? You simply won't get it. and (5) I suck.

blythe said...

true that. perhaps i should delete my blogroll. i really don't need people knowing that there's better out there. not that they can't figure it out just by reading.

cherry, what can you do for my blog? it's so sad.

Mr. Shain said...

uhm, cherry and i already signed a non-compete, so he can't do jack for your blog blythe. eat it!

Mr. Shain said...

(cherry, please fax that contract over ASAP)

The Yellow Dart said...

The title of your post piqued my interest, because I thought "Shain" and "charitable causes" was somewhat mutually exclusive. Turns out I was right!!!

You know, I'm no econ major, but shouldn't there be some kind of PRODUCT behind the advertising? Just wondering.

Mr. Shain said...

my wit is the goddamned product!

blythe said...

about that...

Annie said...

i already "rolled" you but you should know that while I'm fully aware that alphabetically, you sneakily prefer/silently demand to be filed under "*" instead of "The..." and yet i refuse to do this. i can't be the only one.

blythe said...

oh snap! she totally figured you out. i knew i liked you, annie.

michael5000 said...

My roll even includes the fucking asterisk. I'm all about saving the puppies.

Mr. Shain said...

oh annie, you absolutely nailed me (and that's why i love you). when i started this blog-crap, blythe mentioned her theory that she gets more hits because Bee-Spot is always at the top of people's blogroll and thus they click on her link before they get exhausted looking at shit. having already created the lack-luster title "The Life & Times," i though the asterisk would propel me out of the blogosphere. instead people stick it at the end, leave it out, or just list me as "Mr. Shain" i never know where to look for my own blog. point is, you're smart annie

michael5000 said...

Oh, hey now. There is absolutely nothing "lack-luster" about having a blog titled "The Life and Times." Not at all. It's quite witty and distinctive, actually.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I wasn't fooled by the whole "*" thing. You're Mr. Shain in my book and always will be.

I also should be at the top of everyone's blogroll, thanks to the "[" in my title, but nobody gives me props for that.

PS - I've decided that you'd be a real bitch of a client. And a cheapskate. So I won't be working with you. Maybe Stewpid could help you out...

Mr. Shain said...

::michael5000:: you're dripping

::cherry:: way to jump on the bandwagon. also, you can't fire me like this... not before we've even started. you're working for blyhthe now arent you? i have no words for the rage.

Will said...

I'll add it, but not because i like babies, I'll add it because I'm easily swayed by advertising. can you please convince your advertisers to work on my behalf?

stewpid said...

yes, I need some more difficult, hard-to-sell, witless clients who don't pay. I'd be happy to show you a PowerPoint on what clients can expect from me and my company! Problem is, I'm tired as fuck and don't want to make one and I'm not even sure I have PowerPoint installed. Sign or not, I don't care. It's not like I work all that hard for the clients I have.

I think we're a match made in Heaven. Except there's no Heaven.

(Ps this is my standard pitch to clients. For $5 extra, I could personalize it with your name and stuff, but I probably won't because I'm too lazy)

The Yellow Dart said...

GODAMMIT YOU'RE AT THE TOP OF MY FUCKING BLOGROLL FOR NO GOOD REASON AND I DON'T EVEN GET A SHOUT-OUT FOR THAT?!?! You should pay attention to what side your bread is buttered on. Or however that particular colloquialism goes.

Will said...

Hey Stewpid, I'll give you $10 to use my name twice!

Mr. Shain said...

hey hey people, let's keep this about me and my blog shall we?

stewpid said...

will, it's a deal. I'm happy to do that wi--aw, screw it. It's not worth the $10.

Mr. Shain, it IS all about you. All about you. I live, eat and breathe you. I live you. I poop you.

I'm just not gonna blogroll you because frankly puppies and babies need to get what's coming to them.

blythe said...

26 comments? what is this? one of my posts? j/k. i live shain too. wait, i meant i loathe shain. semantics.

5 of 9er said...

Do people actually get off to [redacted]? Gross.

Will said...

OK Mr. Shain let me get back to you. Stop hiding in my bushes already.

Mr. Shain said...

::will:: yes, for a referral fee

::stewpid:: now that [cherry]'s firm dropped me, i'm willing to talk. send me that power point thing, it sounds nifty.

::yellow:: and i love you for putting on the top of your blogroll. also, "Or however that particular colloquialism goes" made me laugh outloud. i wish you'd stop blogging about books and the LA literati and blog more about your failed relationships--there's a goldmine there.

::blythe:: don't make me publish our gmail chat transcript.

::9er:: i wasn't refering to the blog [redacted], i meant i actually redacted the paragraph where i described how nipple clamps, a bucket of crisco, and a shot glass really get me going.

btw--dan from [redacted] can suck my balls for quiting. there, i said it.

::will:: i told you, this is where i live; the bushes are technically city property (and there's good wi-fi).

stewpid said...

ok, Shain, I faxed the PowerPoint to your BlackBerry in text message using RSS feeds. You should have it by now.

Here's hoping we can work together. I really look forward to blabbedy blah blah blah blah and getting your message out there because I really believe in you blah blahblah blah etc. etc. blah.

God I hate my job. Welcome aboard.

blythe said...

if you ever mention nipple clamps, crisco and shot glasses again, i'll publish your gmail chat convos.

The Yellow Dart said...

Cherry and Stewpid: Are either of you looking for an admin assistant??

stewpid said...

sure. you're hired. can you handle everything while I go back to bed?

Mary said...

Hi,

This is the assistant editor for Hospital.com which is a medical publication offering hospital news, information and reviews. We also cover a wide variety of medical issues, one of which being Children's Health and the importance of choosing the right hospital. You will notice articles on this topic under Children's tab. If possible I would like Hospital.com to be included within your blog roll, offering our information as a resource to your readers. Please let me know if this addition can be made.

Please email me back with your URL in subject line to take a step ahead and to avoid spam.

Thank you
Mary Miller,
may.hospital.com@gmail.com