Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Is Your Boss Wearing Leather?

Most of us* spend our days at the office wasting our lives surfing the internets, pretending to read super-lame blogs just because they link to ours, and making banal conversation with the douchebags we have the misfortune to call coworkers. The relationship with our coworkers is tenuous; there’s a delicate balance between friendly and friends. Our knowledge of their personal lives should be limitted to their partner’s name, kids or no kids, and maybe where they’re from originally. Sometimes the coworker-relationship line is crossed. Maybe you find out Susan’s husband is leaving her because he’s hitting some 20 year old blond intern at PWC. Maybe you find out that Aaron’s brother is slowly dying of AIDS in his guest bedroom. Maybe you find out that Trish is a size 2 because her husband kicks her when she eats. All these things are fine, but it really puts a damper on the workplace banter.

Yesterday I was in my associate’s office, shooting the shit about baseball and (etc.) when I noticed a nail file sitting on his desk. “That’s odd,” I thought to myself. You don’t meet a tremendous amount of straight men who keep nail files on their desks. Then I noticed a website printed on the file… something with the word “leather” on it. Curious. When he went to lunch, I snuck back into his office to get a better look at the website (NSFW) and then threw up all over myself. I thought the "Boy Butter" he kept in the fridge was for his english muffins.



*Blythe excluded.

15 comments:

blythe said...

two things:

1. i really don't think you were talking about baseball.

2. I AM FREAKING EMPLOYED SO SHUT UP!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

One, you should have put the NSFW tag next to the website link.

And two, I hope you weren't referring to me with that "pretending to read super-lame blogs just because they link to ours" comment.

Mr. Shain said...

blythe, send me a picture of your desk.

cherry, NSFW? i'm sure i have no idea what you're talking about. i didn't get a NSFW sticky note on the file.

no, of course not. you're my favorite. i was mainly talking about Gawker.

blythe said...

i thought i was your favorite.

The Yellow Dart said...

Seriously. Your people are calling MY references?! Who checked HIS references??

blythe said...

last thing: since i'm not your favorite, i think i'm going to have my intern start commenting on my behalf.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Yes, I'M the favorite, Blythe. Having an intern isn't going to change that.

NSFW - Not Safe For Work.

Mr. Shain said...

yellow, let's not discuss that here; call me.

blythe, your intern? i'll need a photo. and a signed statement. i was unaware that interns got interns of their own.

cherry, i don't see what's not safe for work about boy butter.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I didn't mean your blog, I meant putting the NSFW tag next to your boss' blog link. I think I might have seen a penis on it before I closed it down. People in my office have been fired for shit like that.

Mr. Shain said...

i think i might have too. that's the unfortunate part. it's well labeled now, just for you. god knows, no one else reads this.

blythe said...

and my intern.

michael5000 said...

Hey, classy! The Thoreau is a very sophisticated touch.

Annie said...

may i point out that the best part of this story is that you totally hacked into this guy's computer against his will?! you asshole! great job!

Will said...

Hey I don't just pretend to read this blog.

And stay out of my office!

The Yellow Dart said...

You know what...I just realized what a great creative writer you are.

How's THAT for a comment??